All bold text is from quoted directly from the book.

Sunday, May 15th (bumped to Sunday, May 18th)

Well, I couldn’t have felt like a bigger fool today.  It started off okay.  Just a photo shoot to stroke his vanity and make Kate feel like her article is a bigger deal than it is.  She already feels like of cool for scoring a free room for the shoot, but when a billionaire is already staying there, I don’t think the hotel would say no if she asked for a room to have dinner in with him.  Keep high-rolling Grey happy.

The shoot itself went off without a hitch, when he wasn’t trying to seduce me with his eyes from across the room.  He makes me nervous when he does that, and since he’s already stalking me, it’s not like I can say no.  With his money, he could probably make me disappear forever.

Afterward he told me to go on a coffee date with him.  I tried to make an excuse, that I was the one driving everyone home, but he didn’t take the hint, and just ordered his bodyguard, someone named Taylor, to do it.  Well then.  I didn’t really get a say, did I?  After he gave that order, he asked me again.  Could I say no?  Of course not.  So I had to.  I tried telling him Taylor doesn’t have to do that, and he at least did let met talk to Kate.

Kate affirmed my thoughts.  She told me she doesn’t trust Christian.  I don’t either, but I don’t think I have a choice.  She about had a heart attack when I told her we’re going for coffee.  “Ana, there’s something about him.”  Her tone was full of warning.  “He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think he’s dangerous.”  Can he be so dangerous over just coffee?  I think he’s more dangerous if I firmly say no.  She told be to not be long or she’s send out search and rescue.

I’m not sure why we didn’t stay at the hotel at the Heathman Tea Court.  I know they have coffee.  Maybe he doesn’t know about it.  I should probably be relieved we went somewhere more public, though him looking me over in the elevator made me feel icky.  The only time I started to relax was when I got some tea.  I’m glad the place we went has Stash Tea for their English breakfast.  I still can’t believe Portland has such an amazing tea company.  Beats Teavana hands down.

Almost right away he started in on if José is my boyfriend, and got personal about that.  Then he asked about Paul from the shop.  If he tracked me down at work, surely he can find out if I’m single!

He could tell I was nervous, and I told him I find him intimidating.  He told me I should.  Does he like scaring me?  Yes.  As he said to me, “I’m used to getting my own way, Anastasia.  In all things.”  God.  I realize that.  Then he made me tell him about my family and my mom’s marriage history.  None of his damned business!  When he calls my by my first name, but still expects me to call him Mr. Grey like he’s better than me, none of it is any of his business!  I almost had to wrench his arm to get him to tell me anything about his family, and he was clearly irritated telling me anything.  He went back to what I think of has his stand-by of trying to seduce me with the way he was flicking his eyes on parts of me and running his index finder across his lower lip.

I was relieved to convince him I needed to go home and study.  I thanked him for the tea and called him Mr. Grey, but his I’ve got a whopping big secret smile unsettled me.  So did him asking me if I always wear jeans.  How does that concern him?

On the way back to the car I tripped, and he yanked me so hard it terrified me.  I hardly noticed a guy on a bike who passed close by.  My arm hurt, and he yelled and pulled me to him and started running his thumb over my lips.  Too much.  All at once, too much.  Scared of him, not expecting to be yanked like that, him trying to get too personal.  I found myself wanting him to kiss me and get it over with.  Maybe that would loosen him up a bit and make him lose some of his own composure.

Sex.  I could use that to control him.  I silently begged him to kiss me.  I wanted him to.  It would have given me some control.   But he wouldn’t.  “Anastasia, you should steel clear of me.  I’m not the man for you.”  That’s what he told me instead.  Wait. He tied seducing me then shot me down?  Thank you for that roller coaster, Asshole!  The adrenaline of going up and down so fast had me still wanting to stay close and get that kiss, get some control, but he pushed me away.  The rejection hurt.  He clearly wanted me, then he didn’t.  Did I do something wrong so fast?  I don’t know, but it hurt, and still stings.  Maybe I was stupid and misread the situation between us.  I thanked him for saving me to stroke his pride again, and it worked with him saying he shuddered to think what could have happened.  A skinned knee?  Or the guy running into me, we both get a couple bruises, and I forgot about it by lunch?

I think he realized he hurt me.  He walled my named and looked torn and frustrated.  I was sarcastic when I told him good bye.  Good thing he didn’t see me when I got to the packing garage.  I sank by the can and cried my eyes out.  He dragged me around and I wasn’t ready for it.  Worse, I think it was on purpose.  Him leading me on and rejecting me so fast name make me feel stupid for having homes and dreams and expectations.  I finally made myself stop.  The freak isn’t worth it.

At home, Kate was concerned.  She could tell I was upset.  She tried to make me feel better about myself, but but didn’t work.  She showed me her finished article on her computer, and the picture of him made him look like we’re in different worlds.  He’s the rich guy who’s hotter than me, and I know I’m not good enough if he rejected me so quick after leading me on.  Probably no one will want me if I got cut down so fast, but at least realizing it’s only because he’s out of my league made me feel a little better.

At least studying went well.  That was the highlight of my day.

Met # of days ago: 6

Days with contact: 3

Number of days dating: 0

Next post: Friday