All bold text is from quoted directly from the book.

Friday, May 20th (bumped to Friday, May 23rd)

I was so happy to finish my final final ever!  It was such a good feeling to have four years of classes and tests come to an end.  On the one hand, I want to reminisce about the good times I’ve had, but I also want to take a break from thinking about school.  For the first time in my life, I was able to walk out of a class and not think about going back to the next day, or after the weekend or vacation.  I don’t think my new freedom has hit me yet.  It will later.

My new freedom from school was tempered by the rest of today.  Kate and I got home from school, and she handed me a package I thought was  graduation present from my mom or Ray.  But it was a set of Tess of the D’Urbervilles, a first-printing, first edition, worth more than everything I own.  It had a card with a quote from the book.  “Why didn’t you tell me there was danger?  Why didn’t you warn me?  Ladies know what to guard against because they read novels that tell them these tricks.”  Since I just spent part of my final writing essays about this book, it creeped me out.  They only could have come from one person, but how the hell did he know what my final was about?

The quote he picked is scary.  Tess said it to her mother after she was raped.

I didn’t understand, and still don’t.  He keeps warning me off, but he also sent this?  What sick game is he playing?  His pushing and pulling is really upsetting me.  Why has he sent me this?  He said that I wasn’t for him.  I’m going to send them back.

I managed to forget about him and the books for a while.  Kate and I got prettied up and headed to a bar.  José met us, even though he won’t graduate until next year.  I don’t remember much about tonight, to be honest.  I got pretty drunk, and went to the bathroom and decided to drunk-dial Christian and tell that bastard off.  Perhaps he can tell me why he sent me those books and the cryptic message.  If he wants me to stay away, he should leave me alone.

It didn’t go well.  I couldn’t think of the words to tell him to leave me the fuck alone, but I did at least call him strange.  I think that shocked the freak whose used to the world worshipping at his feet like he’s an alter to be adored.  He kept trying to order me to tell him where I was.  His tone is to, so dictatorial, his usual control freak.  I ended up hanging up on him.  The idiot called me back and said he was coming to get me, then hung up.  Too bad I didn’t tell him where I am.  What’s he going to do, barge into every bar in Portland?

All the alcohol didn’t make me feel good.  I had to go outside.  Things went from blah to bad to worse.  José followed me, and decided to try making me kiss him.  I know we were both drunk, but dammit, no means no.  I feel panicky, drunk, and out of control  The feeling is suffocating….I think I’m going to throw up.

I felt like a light shined down and saved me when someone stepped in and pulled José off.  Holy shut!  Christian Grey, he’s here.  How?  I didn’t tell him where I was!!  That was it.  The roller coaster was too much, and I doubled over and started puking.  Christian decided to hold on to me.  I try awkwardly to push him away, but he didn’t let go, and I threw up again.  Why didn’t either of them listen?  José, my friend, tried forcing a kiss, and Christian and I aren’t even friends, so he also had no right to keep a hand on me, even if he was trying to help, for once.  Still, I pushed.  That meant no!!

After I stopped puking my guts up, Joseé ran inside like a coward.  I don’t know why, but I apologized to Christian for getting sick, even though part of it was these guys invading my personal space.  Please, please can I die now?  He had no right to start chastising me and demanding to know if I make a habit of this kind of behavior.  I don’t remember when I’ve felt so ashamed, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.  Why is he blaming me? What the hell has it got to do with him?  I didn’t invite him here.  He sounds like a middle-aged man scolding an errant child.  Part of me wants to say, if I want to get drunk every night like this, then it’s my own decision and nothing to do with him–but I’m not brave enough.  Not now that I’ve thrown up in front of him.

I just don’t understand why he’s here.  I begin to feel faint.  He notices my dizziness and grabs me before I fall and hoists me into his arms, holding me close to his chest like a child.  He told me he was taking me home, and I knew I didn’t have a choice.

At least I found out how he found me.  He tracked my cell phone.  Of course he did.  How is that possible?  It is legal?  Stalker, my subconscious whispers at me.

It shouldn’t have taken me begging for him to let me tell Kate I was leaving.  Unsettling that he didn’t want me to say anything, but I won.  A small victory.  I found Kate, and she was dancing with Christian’s brother and…  I think it was about then that I fainted.

Thank goodness for my mental diary abilities and a bit of deus ex machina–these things magically record what I’m composing in my head from this bed, though it’s a strange bed.  It’s dark.  I don’t think Friday is over for everyone else, but it is for me….


Met # of days ago: 11

Days with contact: 4

Number of days dating: 0

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