All bold text is from quoted directly from the book.

Sunday, May 22nd (bumped to Sunday, May 25th)

I woke up alone.  Great.  He fucked me and walked out.  He’s a challenge now, and I don’t want to be some meaningless fling.  I found him playing the piano, and he made me go back to bed, even though the sheets were bloody.  I did fall back asleep, but I’m not sure how long.  When I did wake up for the day, I made breakfast, and for once Christian was in a nice mood!  Playful, even.  See, if he was like this all the time, I would be so happy.

He kind of ruined it by saying he wants to continue my training.  I don’t want to be meaningless, but maybe I should take this as just learning this stuff so I can be good with someone else.  He really ruined it by snapping at me and making me eat when I wasn’t really hungry.  I was until he tried making me stay over again, but he did give in, so I’ll get to go home this evening.  That killed the buzz I was riding. He just had to get mean.  Holy crap.  What was that all about?

Kate called and I let her know I’m not a virgin, but I have questions about some things.  I asked Christian if I can ask her, and he told me I can ask him.  So he’s the authority on vaginas?  It’s pretty clear that he thinks he owns me, and since he’ll stalk me and probably has snipers on staff, I think he does.

We took a bath, and I wasn’t even going to complain.  I needed that hot water, and he massaged my neck and shoulders.  My god, I need massages more.  I did like the way he washed me though.  It started off less sexual and more sensual.  My hormones are still in overdrive, but it was relaxing.

For the first time, I gave a guy a blow job.  I don’t know if he really liked it because I was good, or if he liked it because he knew I wasn’t experienced.  I used my teeth, but remembered afterward that teeth + penis = no. So maybe he liked my insecurity.  I didn’t like the taste of cum though.  I swallow quickly.  Ugh…I’m not sure about this.  It was like swallowing thick ocean water, and I was a bit nauseated.

We got out, and he told me to trust him.  Okay, so think bad was going to happen today, so I did trust him.  I didn’t have a choice, so I trusted him.  And it paid off with another orgasm.  Damn, I’m so sore. Raw and burning still.  And don’t guys have a time period they need a break?

He managed to upset me again though  After his mom came over for a minute, I wanted to make a call.  I just want to hear Kate’s voice.  But he got pissed thinking I wanted to call Jose.  “I don’t like to share, Miss Steele.  Remember that.  His quiet, chilling tone is a warning.  I like the sex, but I don’t know about him.  Holy crap.  I just wanted to call Kate, I want to call after him, but his sudden aloofness has left me paralyzed.

I really wanted to talk to Kate, and I was so scared when I told him I really needed to.  I guess I won when he said I could tell her some things, but I’m still upset and wanting to cry.  I wasn’t hungry either, but he made me have breakfast, and told me his mom’s friend had sex with him when he was a teenager.  I’m going to be processing that for a while.  Was he really raped, or is this manipulation?

He finally took me home, and I filled Kate in, and opened an envelop Christian gave me.  At first I laughed because he got my address so wrong.  There is no Green Street in Vancouver, and where the hell is a Haven Heights in Vancouver?  There’s the Hazel Dell area by I5, but no Haven Heights.

The rest of the contract pissed me off.  Royally pissed me off.  Everything from my clothes to where I can sleep and how much is dictated.  Fuck that!  Why should he get to decide everything?  Don’t I own my body?  I know he thinks he does, and I know part of me thinks he does because it’s frightening how much he can get into my life and screw things up.

And this is definitely temporary.  Three months, it said.  He expects me to Serve and obey in in all things.  All Things!  I shake my head in disbelief.  He expects literally all my free time, even time that might not be free.  He expects to deal with me as he pleases.  Holy shit.  I can do this for three months, right?  Just a hot fling?

Oh, I wish I’d never met him.  I feel alive right now, but maybe I’m just on high alert for danger.  I need sleep, so off to bed.  I’m not supposed to see him until Wednesday, so maybe I’ll get a physical break and begin to heal.


Met # of days ago: 13

Days with contact: 6

Number of days dating: 1

Advertisements