A link with some brevity today, since this chapter is BORING enough that it’s okay to add a bit of humor:
4 Ways the ’50 Shades of Grey’ Film Is Worse Than You Expect (from Cracked.com)

(Directory of recap links)

Right away, he’s whining about stuff not being good enough for him.  He’s pissed about the new electronics plant being sited in Detroit because he doesn’t like that city.  It gives him bad memories.  Boo hoo.  Know where I come from?  A town so terrible that I don’t even claim it.  Winton is a town that shouldn’t exist.  Its claims to fame are a Hell’s Angels bar, and having the highest crime rate for a small city in the entire US.  That’s it.  And you want to talk about abuse and trauma?  Oh, I can give him worse than a loving mother who happened to die.  But I’ll spare you all, my dear readers, because there are enough horrors in this book without getting into the real-life horrors of Winton.

So he’s whining about Detroit, even though the car factories closing down does mean that there will be a lot of people with relevant experience who need jobs.

richjobscreate_590_401

Who wants to wager that that’s how he wants things run?

He gets an email two minutes past midnight.  It’s from Ana, and he’s annoyed she’s still awake.  He’s awake, but she can’t be.  What a controlling hypocrite.  Anyway, she says she’s sending her list of issues, and Grey pulls up a copy of the contract.  Rather than just telling us this, he tells us, and we get literally fourteen pages of the contract.  So I was just spared from fourteen pages of reading.  I swear, this book is full of whatever is worse than nitrates and fecal matter in cheap hotdogs.

She starts off on calling him out on how a contract really isn’t for her benefit, but for his.  He gives us that “Fair point well made” tripe.  At least he acknowledge it isn’t for her.

She then tells him that, since he’s her only partner and she doesn’t do drugs and has never had a blood transfusion, she’s disease-free.

Another fair point! And it dawns on me that this is the first time I haven’t had to consider the sexual history of a partner. Well, that’s one advantage of screwing a virgin.

This angers me.  It reminds me of an ex of mine who I found out, after we broke up, that something he liked about me was not having to worry about me getting pregnant since I’m infertile (my daughter’s the product of a few rounds of in vitro).  I don’t like guys who see things like infertility and virginity as Super Awesome Bonuses, especially since it’s always SOLELY for their own selfish gains.

8: I can terminate at any time if I don’t think you’re sticking to the agreed limits. Okay—I like this.

I hope it won’t come to that, but it wouldn’t be the first time if it did.

I’m now extremely curious who else walked out on him, and where he hid their bodies.

11: One-month trial period. Not three.

Only a month? That’s not long enough. How far can we go in a month?

How far?  Let’s see…  The rest of Fifty Shades of Grey AND Fifty Shades Darker happen before a month from “today.”  They’ll have a break-up AND be back together AND engaged within three weeks.

Yeah.  This isn’t even a whirlwind abusemance.  This is one hell of a category 50 tornado.

12: I cannot commit every weekend. I do have a life, or will have. Perhaps three out of four?

And she’ll have the opportunity to socialize with other men? She’ll realize what she’s missing. I’m not sure about this.

Oh, Lordy, she might see her roommate’s brother, and want to hang out with her best friend.  The “I’m not sure about this” clearly means that he thinks he has the right to decide whether or not she’ll get the concessions she wants.

He’s mad that she doesn’t want to be hit in any way.

Food—I am not eating food from a prescribed list. The food list goes or I do—deal breaker.

Well, this is going to be an issue!

Why?  She’s not a child.  She doesn’t have medical issues.  Honestly, I can understand someone trying to ban a loved one from eating cake all day if they’re diabetic, but that’s not the case here.  Ana is healthy and has no dietary restrictions.  She has a right to eat what she wants.

He’s ultimately pleased that there’s “hope for [their] relationship,” and he responds to ask why she’s still awake.

If you recall, I was going through this list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.
Good night.
Ana

Her e-mail makes me laugh out loud but it irritates me in equal measure. She’s much more sassy in print and she has a great sense of humor, but the woman needs sleep.

That’s not humorous.  It’s putting mildly what he did.  Maybe he thinks the funniness is that he got away with rape.

He orders her to bed.

I need to remind her of what I expect from our relationship. I don’t want her getting the wrong idea. I’ve strayed too far from my goal.

Yeah.  Stop yanking her around.

So he heads to bed with his computer, and has to think about how to manage her.

Opening my laptop, I read through her “Issues” e-mail again. I need to manage her expectations and try to find the right words to express how I feel.

Finally, I’m inspired.

Guess what he does.  He copies and pastes the dictionary definition of “submissive” into an email with some of the etymology of the word.  So more filler.

That’s it. I hope she’ll find it amusing, but it gets my point across.

Proof he has no sense of humor.  A dictionary definition isn’t amusing.

bored005

Oh, look.  A dream again.  He and Elliot are kids, and Elliot wants to know why he doesn’t talk.  Grey beats the hell out of him, gets in trouble, and smugly thinks about how Elliot knows he’s a monster.  Grey used the word “monster.”  I just didn’t put it in quotes because it’s too true for quotes.

Following morning, he’s having a video conference with Ros, and a solar-powered tablet computer prototype is almost ready.  On May 24th, 2011, Samsung was less than six weeks from releasing a finished solar-powered device to the public.

Ros wants to know why he’s in Portland, and why he’ll be there so long. Fair question.  He bolted without saying anything when there was work to be done.  He quips that there is a “merger” happening, but not the kind the mergers and acquisitions department would handle.  Ros gets the meaning, and if I was her, I’d be angry that my boss left to go wet his dipstick.

200_s (1)

JFC.  I’m interested in business, legitimately interested, and have a background in tech and currently own a real-deal business.  The business talk in this book?  Boring.  And not needed.  It’s only in there to fluff the word-count and to try masking the lack of plot.

bored025

Over the past year, we’ve acquired three tech companies. Two are booming, surpassing all targets, and one is struggling despite Marco’s initial optimism. Lucas Woods heads it up; he’s turned out to be an idiot—all show, no substance. The money has gone to his head and he’s lost focus and squandered the lead his company once had in fiber optics. My gut says asset-strip the company, fire Woods, and merge their technology division into GEH.

But Ros thinks Lucas needs more time—and that we need time to plan if we’re going to liquidate and rebrand his company. If we do, it will involve expensive redundancies.

“I think Woods has had enough time to turn this around. He just won’t accept reality,” I say emphatically. “We need him gone, and I’d like Marco to estimate the costs of liquidating.”

“Marco wants to join us for this part of the call. I’ll get him to log in.”

That ends the scene, and we don’t need to know any of it.

And it’s followed by two pages of him talking to his mom about his sister coming to town and her wanting Grey to tell Ana hi.

bored

*siiiiiiigh*

I HAVE MANAGED TO keep Anastasia Steele out of every waking thought today. Almost. During lunch there were times when I found myself imagining us in my playroom…

I’m recycling this gif:

200_s (1)

Lunch was a meeting with the president, the head of the environmental sciences department, and the vice president of economic development.  He’s comforted by the thought that surely she must be in the school’s library reading a classic book.

Screen Shot 2015-07-09 at 12.33.54 AMGrey shows that he doesn’t understand the meaning of “provocative” when Ana sends him an e-mail telling him about compromise. That should only provoke him if he’s dangero-

Oh.  That’s right.  He is.  He replies that he’ll “collect” her from her apartment at 7.  Elliott calls, and it’s more filler.  We’d miss nothing by not knowing that Kate asked Elliot to have Grey help.  He’s not gonna help, so there was no point to this other than making this book longer.

Look at how little there is on these pages:

Screen Shot 2015-07-09 at 12.41.05 AMThe email he referenced is the one with the “submissive” definition.  She hasn’t agreed to be a sub (kind of hard to be a sum when there’s only an abuser, not a Dom).

He takes issue with the subject line.

Intractable? Me? Fuck. If our meeting goes as planned, her contrary behavior will be a thing of the past. With that in mind, I agree.

He agreed to let her drive, and that’s this chapter.

Nothing.  NOTHING.

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