I don’t even know what to say at this point about the shootings this week.  If I didn’t need to wait for the propane guy, I would have been at the Clackamas Town Center mall when the shooter there was, at a bookstore close enough to where that happened that people ran into that store.  I almost decided to risk going and getting back before the propane guy got here, but decided against it.

Then Sandy Hook Elementary…on my god.  I’ve spent the last two days crying and lacking the ability to get mad at my daughter when she misbehaves on purpose.  Those parents would give anything for the chance to deal with their kids acting up.  There are significant others who lost their lovers and sons and daughters who lost their parents, parents who lost their grown children. There are presents that won’t be unwrapped.  Futures that won’t get to happen.  No words I could say could come close to expressing how I feel.  

To be blunt, I’ve lost loved ones to gun shots, so I know the pain.  Honestly I think it was easier losing my dad that it ever could be to lose my daughter.  But pain of loss isn’t an Olympics.  Knowing what they’re going through right now is bringing a lot of it back for me and makes me hurt for them.  There’ll be a lot of disbelief and anger and many walls will be punched.  It will tae years for the world to feel right side up again, but the loss will always be there.  

I also feel for the shooter’s brother who was prematurely and wrongly blamed in the media.  He’s been dragged through hell and there still are hate-pages against Ryan.  So many people think he was involved, though the media has corrected their claims.  Ryan lost a mother and a brother and has been condemned and continues to be.  I think it’s wrong to say he shouldn’t feel sad about losing his brother.  If my brother were to do something like that, I’d be mad at him, but still devastated to lose him, at least to lose the brother I thought I know.  The love wouldn’t just die out.  Ryan needs support too, but has received the opposite.

This is a tragedy all around.

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